Could Gwyneth Paltrow's breakup have been avoided?
According to a Washington Post article, Gwyneth Paltrow reportedly uses the term "conscious uncoupling" to describe her breakup with Chris Martin.
The term is coined by Los Angeles therapist and author Katherine Woodward Thomas to describe how “to create a map for a couple to consciously complete a relationship — to have an honorable ending.”
While we are all for the "conscious uncoupling" idea, we are even more in favor of creating a map for consciously living every day in a relationship!
How much pain and heartache could be by-passed if couples would only begin their relationship by consciously creating it!
Whether you're single right now, starting a new relationship or you've been with your partner for many years, we invite you to start today consciously creating it.
Here are 3 ways for you to begin doing that...
1.As soon as they come up (and they will after the honeymoon period), become aware of any limiting thoughts and beliefs you're telling yourself about your partner and your relationship.
There are many habits, thoughts and beliefs that can short-circuit your relationship.
The idea is to discover the ways that are keeping you from having what you want your limiting patterns), learn how to interrupt a limiting pattern which is just a habit, and then learn how to create new empowering patterns-reinforcing them until they become new habits.
To discover your limiting beliefs and patterns, here are some questions to answer…
*Do you anticipate your partner's reaction in a negative way like telling yourself or others "He always…" or "He never…"?
*Are you always waiting for the "other shoe to drop," anticipating and waiting for him to do something wrong or not being who or what you want? If so, just become aware of the belief and story that consistently comes up for you.
*Do you have a fear that he'll leave or that you're too old/too fat/too whatever? Do you have any other fear that's keeping you from what you want?
*Pay attention to your "buts." Every time you use a "but," you're putting up roadblocks and telling the Universe that you don't deserve what you want.
Finish this sentence-"I could have the relationship I want and love I want but________" or "I could hypnotize my man but _________"
2.Challenge unspoken beliefs, thoughts, assumptions
We love author Byron Katie's questions for making a mind shift and here are our adapted questions to ask yourself in order to challenge those thoughts and beliefs that may or may not be true…
*The first one to ask is "Is what I'm thinking true?"
If you know for a fact that it is true, then it's up to you to learn how to calm yourself if it's a triggering situation so you can make a choice about how you react.
*If you don't know if your thoughts or beliefs are true, then you'll want to ask yourself these next questions to break through your habitual reaction…
"What do I feel and how do I react when I believe that thought?"
"If that thought didn't exist, how would I feel?"
"What are 3 things I'd do if I didn't have that thought?"
3.Be open to not getting defensive and shifting to another thought that will bring you closer to what you want.
Here are some ideas…
*Tell yourself yourself your partner's not the enemy and remind yourself you have choice.
*Ask yourself if the opposite of your "but" could also be true. Use "because" instead of "but"-"I could have the relationship I want because I'm willing to try some new things."
*Remember what you love and appreciate about yourself and your partner.
*Ask yourself "Is this how I would treat a beloved?"
*Envision a positive outcome to the situation. No changes will happen unless you think it's possible.
*Find something to appreciate about your partner and about yourself. Know that you both deserve love.
You'll find that the negative thoughts and beliefs don't happen as often as you make other choices. Like any other skill, when you practice, new pathways are formed and each time you do it, the skill increases and becomes more automatic.
While we don't know if Gwyneth Paltrow's relationship breakup could have been avoided, we do know that they would have had a much greater chance of staying happily together if they had used these ideas.
This is just a brief snapshot of what consciously coming together can look like. If you want a happy, peaceful, loving relationship, we invite you to create it consciously and with loving intention.
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